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RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
But at least it makes me
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
In The Daylight
In The Daylight
A false downfall
An unexpected revival
Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness
In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest
I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic
I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid
A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete
Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight
They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.
I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task
All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.
The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift
My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Nobody even asks my ideas,
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations
You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
PerfectEver had the feeling where you can't stop looking at a picture?
Your gorgeous face makes me smile
Go weak at the knees
Makes me giggle like a little girl
Those morning texts
All day conversations
Random silly things like that
Make me smile
I see the led light flash the colours I've set for when I get a message from you
My heart flutters
My cheeks flush
I go deaf to the world when I'm reading a message from you
If your down
I'm always there for you
I know you don't want to worry me
I know you want me to smile
But I'm always here for you
No matter how you feel
I'd prefer to help
Than for you to be down
Your gorgeous eyes
Letters from Romeo and Juliet.-i.
the very core of our foundation is feverishly slowly coming
down like spring is the new face in town and winter
beckons at its feet.
the bricks of our very existence are crumbling down with
every illicit tongue you find elsewhere and with every
Aphroditical woman you devour you bulldoze
right over our believes.
you've lost your artic touch and no longer do i enjoy
the feeling of rusty nails caressing my back nor
does your putrid stench pleasure my senses.
acerbity grimes my teeth and for years i
have tried to get rid of your umami taste in
your hands burn and justice lies around the corne
The SS Californian light'swhether or not i live under these false pretences
there is not a chronic blood cell in my veins that would think about leaving you despite the fact you're a poisonous drug flying freely through this rapt and unfulfilled cocoon.
we live on islands, you and i and seagulls act as personal homers because this spitting distance is more than a simple crack in your forehead.
a hundred miles and counting kept us apart and this constant moving earth crest doesn't make it any easier and every boat i take sinks into the Grand Banks and Icarus' wings proved to be apocryphal.
i'm too tired to fully distinguish the polychromatic hallucinations
This interchangeable nonage.here is you and here is i
where do you plan
to take this to?
to your mother's
the old bitch is ancient
and lives on traditions that
even those that have been dusted
wouldn't rely on.
to your father's
that stupid fart needs
to be able to hold a razor
and cut of that idiotic mustache
that blocks the spit coming from his mouth.
to your sister's
whose sitting on the bus
her legs spread wide open the
silk of her pink panties vivid and
clearly visible under this umbrella.
to your brother's
the jockstrap of this family
he watches porn long after the sun goes down
and pretends to be alright
Reflections within taste buds.-i.
on a dark and crescent
day in which clouds of sulphur
pretend to be nebulae and celestial
prisms conquer your intricate chemicals
such as hormones.
the static noise of television
rushes past his ghost in this total
naked truth with cigarette
stains in the colour of red
musqitoes swarm around my head
and try to eat me alive.
if you have no idea
about counterfoil and the
four other words behind umami
please do not
look for me.
On the wine-dark seachapter i.
please, let me be a coward
for today I do not have the courage
to pretend to be brave
for the Spartans died for glory
Spartans never feared death nor shame
am i really so intrinsically ancient
that i am merely luminous phosphine
or you do simply, painfully plainly,
do not notice me.
i am a masochist,
hiding for 90% under a still, shimmering surface
because i'm too much of a caitiff person to show
i'm truthfully only a cold-hearted bitch.
(i'm an iceberg. watch me sink you.)
i love you. beware. i sink you.
this collision is only temporary,
Mescaline predestineand finally, i stand here before you, bleak and naked, rapt and unfulfilled.
i borrowed courage from this vagabond i met on the street's on a rainy afternoon and he told me, i should be okay. and yet i'm standing here, blindfolded as a fool, as if running around in a chamber where they smashed all the lights. this transparent pagan heart of yours undisguised and exposed in the foggy morning slumber, i wish you would fade, vaporise like flour in the air and be erased by the coming flood of salt, which tickles our stained feet in order to call upon our faithful debt. we're dried flowers on a platter, open for display simply cheap entertainment
The sore kneepeople don't understand
what it's like
to ride a merry-go-round
and have it
who you are
and have it
outline the purpose
of your life.
the cherry red
music that makes you
smile and unable to resist
the urge to sway your shoulders
and move your hips
and miss the beat.
for futile moments
you stand the side-line and
watch it go round and decide
what you wish to ride
on the merry-go-round.
go on, come hop on
and join me
for a moment of bliss
and the remembrance of joy
and this is how to keep
youth in a plastic animal.
i am a merry-go-round
watch me go round and round
travel in circles and be
A Reason to LiveIf only she had the guts to actually do it, to just leap among the cold waves and sink in death among the fish. She breathed in the smell and taste of saltwater, and water sprays hit her face, neck, and chest. She shivered slightly in the breeze from the waves, but she wasn’t really bothered by the chill. What weighed on her mind was something much deeper than the weather.
A pang of apprehension penetrated her heart as she envisioned her body being plunged into the water and weighted down by the strong waves. She thought about what it would be like to gulp in mouthful after mouthful of water, choking and never feeling any relief, b
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More